Hold On
by Inu-midoriko
Summary: Alicia's decision was hers and hers alone. Nathaniel's decision was his and his alone. He wouldn't rest until he found her. She wouldn't rest until she found the colony. BAMF! Double check the rating, kids!
1. Plummet

A/N: Requested by Shipper55 to have an injured Wash. Here it is :D! Shall be a two shot, folks! Also, I thank Sky, the Defender of Angst, herself, for allowing me to used her emotions for this :D! Was muchly appreciated!

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><p>"Don't you let go, Wash. Hold on!" his voice was strained, tight with the effort of holding onto the bundle of vegetation in one hand, and Wash with the other. Their hands were gripped tight; closed in a clasp that refused to open. He winced visibly when the bundle of vines he gripped tore a little with their weight being dragged own by gravity. He looked down at the woman he held onto and saw she was looking down at the river below. Fifty feet. A long, scary looking fifty feet. The river below them stampeded with rapid currents, waiting to take away anything and everything that dared come close.<p>

"Sir."

"Shut up." he retorted. He knew what she was going to say, knew what she was going to propose. It wasn't happening. No way.

"Sir-"

"I said, shut up and hold on, woman." he didn't have to look at her to know she was scowling. Didn't have to see her face to know what she wanted to say.

The commander took a deep breath and tightened his grip on both Alicia and the bundle of leafy vines intertwined together. It pulled from the earth with each passing second, with each breath they took. He curled the arm that held Alicia, was hell bent on getting her close enough to the ledge of the cliff that she could hold on and not worry about the vines ripping with her added weight. Only when he got her half way, the vines gave a little more, brought them down further away from their freedom.

Motionless and silent, they dangled.

Another tear.

"Taylor… Nathaniel." He shook his head. He wouldn't allow it. She'd done it once. She didn't have to- didn't deserve- to do it again. Taylor wasn't going to ask her to, wasn't planning on even entertaining the notion of what she wanted to do. And yet, just like a perfect soldier, she thought of it herself. She died and rose up out of the ashes only to put herself on death's door for him once again. He couldn't take it. Not again. The guilt, the loss. The pain. "It's okay." her voice was soft, pleaded with him to see reason. Begged him to allow her to do this for him.

But it wasn't okay. Not by a long shot.

A vine broke, leaving three in his hand.

Nathaniel cursed under his breath. Cursed the situation and himself for not realizing a danger like this could very well take place. He cursed Wash for being so willing to give her life for him. He cursed the damn dinosaur that chased them down here for putting them in this position.

Later on he would reminisce this and take all the blame. Because it really was his fault. He was the one to haul Alicia's ass out of bed to take a trip with him OTG early that morning. He was the one to let his guard down in favour of showering the very woman he held onto with kisses. He was the one to make the call to tumble down the hill when the dinosaur chased them to avoid being dino lunch.

Nathaniel Taylor was to blame for this. He knew it. Harnessed it and absorbed the pain of it in that moment. If she were to die, it would be his fault.

"Alicia-" another vine.

"Just let go. Let me go."

"No."

"We'll both die if you don't." he said nothing. Because as much as he knew it was true, as much as he didn't want to die, he would rather die with her than have her death barricade through his being and hurt in ways he thought to be long dormant. "It's just a little fall."

He laughed at her attempt, stared at the vines slowly cutting themselves along the sharp ledge of the cliff. "Fifty feet ain't little, Wash."

"The colony needs you." he looked down at her then. She stared up at him, determination set in her gaze.

"I need you." she melted, her features visibly softened and she smiled. Truly smiled. It reached her eyes and, by God, it was the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. Tears rimmed her eyes but refused to shed.

"You'll survive without me." and then she relaxed her hand in his, her fight gone- making it impossibly difficult for him to hold onto dead weight. Alicia started tugging her hand from him. His frown and sharp look should have made her stop. It should have made her freeze. Instead, she used her other hand and pried his pinky finger off. She bent it back to near painful levels. All she had to do now was yank and he would be helpless to stop her.

"Don't do it, Wash. Alicia don't-"

She yanked just as the second last vine snapped. He stared after her in horror, her fall set in a slow motion that stole his breath, paled his complexion. Made his heart stop a mere moment. Her smile, her damn smile never left her lips even as fear of the landing took over her gaze. What felt like minutes was only mere seconds as her body impacted with the water. He scanned the river with a rapidly beating heart for any sign of her. He found none, the current was too strong, the rapids were too wild.

With a roar of utter frustration, anger and hurt, he used his now free hand to grip the ledge and hoisted himself up. "Terra Nova base this is Commander Taylor, do you copy?" his feet followed the river even before he realised he was running in the direction the current took Wash, fifty feet above it.

"Commander Taylor this is Terra Nova base, we read you." It was Jim's voice.

"Shannon, I need you to dispatch a rescue team and medics about twenty clicks south of the gate at a river. It's Wash." He hadn't meant for his voice to break. Hadn't meant for such emotion to emit from her name. And yet it was all it took for the younger than to not ask questions. It was all it took for Shannon to realise just how serious this was.

"Copy that, sir. Dispatch unit is on the way." Nothing more needed to be said. The mission was simple, mutual. Find Alicia and pray to God she was all right.

On foot it seemed like forever until he reached the river. His lungs burned, his legs ached but it didn't matter. Not when Wash was down there somewhere. Dead or alive he needed to reach her. Needed to get to her. He came to the bottom the same time two Rhinos pulled up. Elisabeth Shannon and Mark Reynolds in one, each had worry etched onto their faces. Reilly and Dunham pulled up in the other. "There are others, sir," Mark stated. "They're taking a look down by the falls."

Nathaniel's face blanched. Falls… He looked at the river behind him and stared further ahead. Of course there was a water fall, because luck just hadn't had it's fill of tormenting him today. "Let's find her. Bring her home." he said. Reynolds pushed to the back to allow Nathaniel into the Rhino unit. "Keep your eyes open, people!" he commanded and set off down the river with Reilly's vehicle following behind.

They did two full rounds up and down the river, at the bottom of the falls and beyond it. Still no one had seen her. No one had set eyes on Alicia's body. This was impossible. Improbable at the very least. If Wash had somehow survived that fall, there could be no way she would be left unscathed. That possibility was… no. He didn't accept that. She was here. She had to be here. They must have missed something. They must have missed a spot.

"Again, circle again." He said into his comm. There was a moment of silence, each of his men thinking the worst before a definite 'yes, sir' sounded through. Each of them thought that if she had been here, it was possible she was dragged away by a predator. He knew they were thinking it. It had crossed his mind more than once. It was quickly shot down. Quickly shunted aside. This river was huge, the falls even bigger. The calm river leading away from the falls stretched for miles. She was there. She had to be there.

He made Reynolds drive this time and took the opportunity to scout the area thoroughly. Nathaniel took in every inch of his surroundings. They got down to the bottom of the falls and Nathaniel took to walking the area. Others followed suite while a couple people stayed in the vehicles. Looking to the horizon, Taylor's eyes narrowed. The sun was setting but he couldn't leave- wouldn't leave- when she was out here. He knew it. Nathaniel could feel it within him.

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><p>Alicia Washington was no expert, but she was fairly certain when one was dead, they didn't feel like pain incarnated. A groan left her lips as she first took in her surroundings through her senses. It was quiet save for the water she lay in. Her eyes opened and immediately she shut them tight. Pain coursed the back of her eyes and shot throughout her body. She tensed every muscle and it was then that she was able to fully comprehend just how much damage was done to her.<p>

Another groan- it was far more pain influenced than the last. Her fingers gripped the earth as she took deep breaths to calm the agony within her, over her. Slowly, she opened her eyes again and forced herself to breathe. _Just breathe_. Her nerves were shot from the shock of so much pain assaulting her senses at once. It made it exceedingly difficult to turn herself over on her back to take a look at herself.

She was soaked with blood bleeding through her right pant leg, scratches marred her hands and without having to touch her face, she knew a fantastic purple bruise formed on the side of her face. She remembered smacking face first into a rock before everything went back. Wash was surprised she lasted through those rapids. Was surprised to have lasted over the falls. At least she figured she went over a set of falls. A river didn't move that furiously without purpose. Sitting up, Alicia's breath hitched. Immediately a hand came to rest against her side. Feeling it gently, nothing appeared to be out of place, just tender and bruised.

Lifting her pant leg carefully, she inhaled and exhaled. Keep calm. That was key. A sharp stick penetrated her leg. It wasn't sharp enough to clear through her but it was most certainly sharp enough to piece her skin and wedge itself in deep. Moving carefully, Alicia took off her jacket, tore near the hem where a rip had already started and tossed the remains of her favourite garment aside to put back on later.

Deep breath- she gripped the stick. Clenched her teeth- she yanked the wood from her leg. It took _everything _not to cry out as she clenched hard, grunted from the sharp throbbing. Moving quickly, she scooted further into the water and watched as the water cleaned her wound. Watched as some small fish neared until they caught the scent of her blood flowing from the open wound and swam away like it was poison.

Alicia waited a better part of five minutes before taking her leg out of the water to wrap the strip of her coat around her bleeding wound. Securing it tightly, she took in her surroundings visually. The sun was just starting to set- which meant she needed to find a place to hide from the predators for the night. She recognized the area- had explored this part before with a some recruit's a few years back. There was something about the area that had a flaw. A flaw that she couldn't help but feel was significant. Important for her safety.

As she got her jacket through her arms once more, it was when she stiffened. She remembered just as she heard the growl to her left. _Shit. _

Velociraptors. This was the danger. There were few but they were still dangerous. Had she a gun, this would be no problem. Had she a weapon of any kind, she would have a fair chance. Unfortunately, thus was not the case.

She stared at the creature as it stared at her. It tipped it's head to the side, gauging her, judging to see how dangerous a threat Alicia was. Well, Alicia thought to herself, if she was going to die, she was going to go standing.

With much effort, she got to her feet but leaned most of her weight on her left leg to favour her right one. The raptor made a shriek, seeing her defiance as a challenge and charged her.

It was now or never. Do or die.

When the moment was right, Alicia dived.

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><p>She was moving roughly over the ground. Her limbs, save for her left arm, were being dragged over the jungle floor. More than once her head hit a fallen log, her legs got caught in underbrush. The thing- the raptor- dragging her further into the jungle- had it's teeth pierced through her jacket, dug into her arm. Had her jacket not been leather, her arm most likely would be a chewed to unrecognisable measures.<p>

Alas, it was not. She had pulled her jacket on at the right time. Opening her eyes, she registered the sky was dark with the moon high in the sky, illuminating everything around her exposed under the trees in brilliant hues of silver. Alicia looked ahead of her and blanched. A nest. A god damned _nest _of baby velociraptor awaited her.

Instinctively, she grabbed the sharpest thing she passed- a thick, broken stick. It wasn't much but it would help her. Ten feet away. Ten feet. It was now or never. Funny how the last time she thought of that, she ended up being beat by a dinosaur and dragged unconscious through the forest floor.

Faster than she ever thought capable in her condition, Wash brought the stick up and rammed it down through the dinosaur's leg. It pierced. The thing screeched, let her left arm go. Wash took the stick out and jammed it in it's neck when it bent to get a look at what she'd done.

Blood poured everywhere from the raptor as it clucked it's throat, tried to swallow and couldn't. Tried to maul Alicia for her rebellion and couldn't. It fell to the ground on it's side. Alicia watched it a moment, watched as it suffered before going motionless. She got to her feet and looked around, eyes landing on the nest of baby raptors and made for the direction she was dragged in.

It wasn't safe, she was bleeding- limping- but her desire to survive far out weighed any aches, any unbearable agony she had felt before. The adrenaline rush saw to it she felt nothing cold hard determination to survive. It saw to it she found a climbable tree not far from the clearing to rest in for the night. Her right leg made the ordeal difficult, gave out twice and had her gasping from both pain and surprise. Tears prickled her eyes but she refused to shed them. Refused to give into the silly urge. They wouldn't stop the pain. They wouldn't alert Nathaniel she was still out here.

She gripped branches on either side of the tree closest to her and pulled herself up, used her good leg to help make her hoist smoother. With a grunt, she settled into the middle of the seat-like tree. It was concealed by the other branches intertwining around each other, offering her shelter from the predators of the night. With a deep breath, she looked around carefully, wary of resting in such a dangerous place with no weapon to defend herself with.

Moments passed and it soon mattered not if she was too wary to rest. Exhaustion took over her senses. Took her body and relaxed her into the trunk of the tree she rested against. Her eyes shut before she was even aware they were closing. Behind her eyes, through the darkness beyond her lids, she saw Nathaniel's face and for now, it was enough.


	2. Rise

A/N: Thank you, Sky, for your assistance with these…-.- emotions…*sigh* One day I'll excel at it like you… one day! This chapter goes out to Zoe! Hope you feel better, my dear! Also, thank you BAMF fandom for your suggestions and support ;)

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><p>The night went by slowly. So very slowly with half the medic team and rescue unit calling it a night to head back for the colony. Elisabeth joined them, needing to get back to her family for the night. The other half- ten of them (four medics and six soldiers) including Reynolds- stayed with their Commander, offering hope and comfort when he looked particularly lost and discouraged. They had trekked the length of the river by foot and eventually had to set up camp when the sun set below the horizon. Nathaniel sat on the ground and stared into the fire he made, much like he had done one time before. He sat away from the people gathered together- again, much like he had done a time before. Whereas before Alicia had been shot, this time she plummeted into an unforgiving river determined to keep them apart.<p>

Taylor exhaled and ran a hand down his face. What had he missed? Where was it he tended to go wrong with her? Why was it, no matter how hard he tried to keep her safe, she somehow always managed to be the one in danger? It was perplexing. Maddening.

A presence to his right caught his attention. Mark Reynolds took a seat beside him. No words were exchanged, no looks of understanding or mutual turmoil. He just sat, stared at the fire. Nathaniel caught on and did the same- returned his gaze to the fire dancing in hypnotic movements. Slow and refined, bright yet dim to perhaps suite his mood. It danced solely for him, moved in a bout of motions he understood to be calming; coaxing him to relax and worry about his search in the morning. Enticed his eyes to burn with exhaustion and droop heavily until the sound of the Sergeant's voice rang through his thoughts.

"We'll find her, sir." still no eye contact. The boy looked down at the firearm resting casually in his hands. Mark nodded his head a moment later, more to himself than to his commander. Reassuring not just his leader, but also himself that the woman they both cared deeply for- albeit on two separate levels- would be found and returned home. Breathing or not, she would be found.

"I know." the Commander returned, his voice meant to be gentle but came out strong. To his credit, Mark didn't flinch. He merely chanced a glance at his commander. Bright green met dark blue in an understanding moment of weakness. Each attempting to bring hope to the other in their own way. Both attempts, while not spoken aloud, worked. It brought a hope to them knowing that the other had no plans of giving up. Neither of them had plans of resting until they found her. "Get some sleep, Reynolds. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

With a nod, Mark stood. Lingered for a mere moment almost as if wanting to say something more but thought better of it and went to his sleeping bag while three others stood watch. Nathaniel rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He blocked out the fire and it's lure. Resisted it's pull to sleep.

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><p>Getting down from the tree the next day when the sun was just starting to rise, had been an experience Alicia Washington was in no hurry to repeat. With her adrenaline rush gone, she felt all her aches, all her pains. The gash in her leg stung and burned. Itched in an uncomfortable way that suggested the beginnings of an infection. She needed to get to the river and she needed to get there soon. More importantly- she thought to herself and looked around for anything to use that could constitute as a weapon to defend against a predator- she needed to get home. The colony was a two day trek on foot from her original stand point with Nathaniel and for the moment there was no telling how far away she was from there.<p>

Finding a long thick stick, she limped over to it and picked it up. It was rough on her hands with sharp stubs sticking out of it but it was something. It was taller than her by a few inches, making it more than suitable to be a walking stick. Keeping a straight path, the river wasn't difficult to find. Taking a quick look around, she kept her stick close and bent down to lift her pant leg to take off her makeshift bandage.

A growl from behind her. Jesus Christ, not again. With renewed fear and dread, the lieutenant turned around and gripped her walking stick. She held it in the middle in thirds with one end pointing to the predator. A raptor. Different from the one she killed the previous night. This one was slimmer, smaller in stature- vicious in stance. It had no intentions of dragging her off to a nest of younglings; it wanted to maul her.

Her leg shook with the effort of keeping her up when it hurt so badly. Her side protested the pressure of her arm resting along it to hold her stick securely. Her arm itched with dried blood digging into her skin. Annoyance coursed through her. All she wanted was to clean up and get home. That was it. She didn't want to have to fight every step of the way. They were the thoughts of a quitter, she knew. However, she'd survived a shot to the head and a fifty foot fall into a river. If those weren't signs that she was supposed to live, she didn't know what were. But she was exhausted and hurt. Fighting was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

Taking a deep breath allowed the air to flow throughout her body, relaxed her enough to be able to move with an agility that was distinctly her own. Wash focused her attention on the creature. Watched it's movements as it watched hers. She could do this. She was a survivor of Somalia- Commander Taylor's best. She. Could. Do. This.

What Alicia hadn't counted on, was a rumble- growl- from behind her as well. Her shoulders stiffened a moment and she quickly turned so she was facing both raptors. Alicia huffed, frustrated with the outcome. Facing one, she had a chance. Two… on her best day maybe. Not now. Not when she was on the brink already.

Slowly she backed up, slowly they followed. Their bodies tensed as they neared her and it was at this time she realized they were going to strike as one. She braced herself, accepting her fate. They crouched, the urge to flee nearly took over her but she stayed where she was. Perhaps a flaw of hers. She never backed down. Never ran when the opportunity best presented itself. Instead she stayed where she was, a bravado Alicia found came naturally about her. She would fight them until there was nothing left. She would strike until she had no strength or hands to strike with any longer. But she wouldn't run. She would stay where she was and brave it. Be eaten alive, and brave it because that's who she was.

Alicia stared death in the face for the second time in two years and braced herself.

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><p>The sun just barely peeked over the horizon when Nathaniel woke his team and set out further down the bank. It was a territory he hadn't come across in quite a while but he knew it to be dangerous. Knew there were predators in the area and realized in the back of his mind that if Alicia had been washed up to shore, it was very possible she had been dragged away and eaten.<p>

It was a thought that ran through his mind over and over until Shannon's voice rang through his comm. "Sir, I double checked the tracking chip on her tags. There's nothing. Chances are it may have been damaged in the water." Of course that was his explanation. It was the one they hoped for, fancied to think about more than the more probable one.

"Thanks, Shannon."

"Sir." they disconnected as he and his unit rounded the bend. For all of a second he paused from shock. For all of a second he stared, before he and Reynolds raised their guns, aimed and fired. They didn't need to think about it, they didn't need to look to the other and make the decision to shoot. They stilled their movements; took aim and fired past the woman they searched for. Without needing to plan it Reynolds shot the raptor he was in line with. Taylor did the same- dread and joy scoring through his body. The reptiles pounced at her and she could do nothing but raise her stick in defence. It was a poor one, one that wouldn't have helped her had they not rounded the corner when they had.

The animals fell limp against her as one jarring force, effectively knocking her off her feet and onto her back. Everyone stayed still a moment, gauging to see if the predators were truly dead. When they didn't move under Wash's squirming, the medics flew passed the soldiers to their lieutenant's side. With a great amount of effort, the beasts were dragged off of her. One medic put a hand on her shoulder, coaxing her stay down. Others asked her questions, examined her body and all it's injuries.

Taylor placed his soldiers at all angles, each of them scanning the area to make sure no other dangers would befall them. Nathaniel stayed far enough from her so she wouldn't be distracted by telling the medics her injuries and how she got them. He must have moved too close to her line of sight because she turned her head just as she explained how she got the bite marks in her arm, newly uncovered from her jacket. Their eyes connected and it was like looking at a person once thought to be dead. He wasn't unfamiliar with the feeling, but he wasn't familiar with it either. It was a feeling that managed to make him lose composure, it managed to make him have faith and hope in the one person he could truly call family. She wasn't dead. Against all the odds, she wasn't dead.

"We're able to patch her up as best we can, sir," a medic, Alec Richards, piped up and glanced from the gash in her leg to the commander. When Taylor's gaze flicked to the man treating the woman on the ground, Richards continued. "but she needs to get to Terra Nova as soon as possible for the proper treatments."

Their eyes met once more for a mere moment, emotions and words flying through a line of connection only they were privy to. Allowing his gun to dangle at his back from the strap around him, he crossed the distanced between he and Alicia; took her under her legs and secured an arm under her back. With almost no effort required, he lifted her lithe form and ignored her protests. Her exclamations of wanting to walk herself falling on deaf ears. She was there, in his arms. He wasn't letting her go any time soon.

Nathaniel was aware of his motions, aware of Alicia ceasing her attempts at gaining her feet back. He was even aware of commanding everyone back to Terra Nova. Though, it was like sitting back and watching through a looking glass. He as aware, but he wasn't really there. The joy, the shock- a million other emotions- flooded his system and forced down his barricade of carefully schooled emotions; numbing him.

He placed Alicia in the back before he got into the driver's seat. For a mere moment he considered making Mark drive and sit back there with her, but he refrained when he chanced a glance back and saw her content smile at Mark placing his hands on her arms. They smiled, the emotion completely platonic, the gesture innocent despite their close proximity. The moment was their's and their's alone. He had no place intruding. For now, Nathaniel would bide his time. For now, he was content to offer her his canteen of water before making the long drive back to the colony.

Along the way, Nathaniel radioed Jim; their mission successful. It came as no surprise when the other half of the medic team, including Dr. Elisabeth Shannon, met them at the gate. They swarmed the vehicle, each of them wanting to see the damage done to their lieutenant. Each of them wanting to have a chance at fixing her wounds and help heal the hole they could see tore through her being. She was tired, damaged and the Commander wasn't allowing her to do anything on her own. He wasn't leaving her side. It miffed her but she could hardly complain.

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><p>For the next month he watched her. Observed her healing process, took in her fading bruises and the way she walked. Her leg was finally starting to show signs of healing. The infection was caught in time, the bone hadn't been severed and the gash was sprayed with their skin stitching concoction. The pain of walking was the only thing that held her back. The gashes in her arm and her bruised side were hardly an issue. They healed after a few weeks.<p>

They hadn't talked much during her month of recovery. He was there, yes. But he was silent. Torn between joy and rage. Gratitude and hurt. She wouldn't attempt to speak to him. His expressions alone conveyed to her he was beyond incensed, surpassed relief.

For the moment, she was content to be silently watched. For now he was content to silently watch her.

Until, of course, her leg healed completely. And it was at this time, he observed as she strolled about the market on her day off paper work from his place at command, that he was able to get a good look at the way she walked. It was confident, upright. Her hips swinging in that natural sway. He blinked and leaned on the post- his arms crossed over his chest.

His scrutiny must have been smothering because she turned around and immediately connected her eyes with his. They stared at one another in a battle of wills. Nathaniel was the first to break contact in favour of motioning his head towards her home. She frowned but didn't ask questions. Alicia walked perfectly normal save for a slight twinge in her brow. Ah… so the brave woman was still in pain. She could have fooled him-did fool him- as she went casually towards her housing unit.

When Wash went inside he followed, bounded down the steps and made brisk steps for her door. He didn't knock, didn't have to knock. The door was open- always open- for him. He spotted her at the kitchen counter pouring a glass of Scotch.

"Would you like some?" she asked offhandedly, not yet looking up at him, not yet allowing herself to fall into a world of guilt when she saw his face, his expression.

He didn't answer, merely crossed his arms and leaned on the counter within arms reach of her. Finally she cast her gaze on his face, his eyes. He reached out for her hand and pulled her close to him. "I told you not to let go." it was the only thing he could say right then. It was the only thing he wanted an explanation for. He could hear about her survival story from her later on. He could hear about her bravado during the night at a different time. All he wanted right then, was to know why she thought sacrificing herself would make his life better. How her Goddamn death would make him suffer any less.

"You did." it was all she said. It was all she offered. She had nothing more than that to say. Intended to say nothing more. Intended to back away from him and flee her gaze elsewhere. Instead he held her fast, jerked her to him and held her chin to make her gaze stay in place.

"Lieutenant, I'm running out of patience. I've given you time to heal, time to settle back into the routine of things. We need to talk about this or _we _won't pass it."

She quirked a brow, put her hands on either side of his shoulders and pushed. He didn't budge. Not when she was this close to him again. Not when he needed her, needed to touch her, taste her; make the damnable woman realize just how much she meant to him. Eventually she huffed, blew her loose hair away from her face and settled her eyes unwaveringly back on his. "I would do anything to ensure you live." she shrugged her shoulders, said it nonchalant. This was a fact. A true fact. One she would swear by, had- is- living by.

Shunting his hips, he pinned her against the counter and placed both hands on either side of her. Gave her his most lethal glare. "How exactly," his voice was rough, she blinked at him, torn between telling him to cool down and letting him vent out his frustrations. "did you think your death would affect me? Did you think I'd be completely fine and not be affected at all by the prospect of you not coming back this time? We were lucky once- and I thank God that we were lucky again- but one day that luck is going to run out, Wash. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? How much this- _us_- means to me? Damn it, Wash, I told you to hold on!" his voice came out in a growl, his muscles coiled from restraining himself.

Her jaw clenched but she didn't look away. She held his gaze and took a breath. She had many things to say, many things to tell him but she found no words. The emotions in her swelled, expanded within her to a point where she thought her chest would tear open from the intensity. It made her eyes prickle and this is when she did look away. Tears would not solve his anger. It would not solve the betrayal he felt from her. She knew he loved her, she knew he would have done the same for her but he was needed more. He was the one to give their colony a chance at survival. Without him, all hope was lost. It was selfless and selfish all wrapped in one. She didn't shed a tear, tears weren't her. Tears solved nothing, offered nothing.

Maybe if he'd been less hurt, less angry, he would have stopped his tyrant rage- ceased to push and push until she gave in to his point- at the sight of her unshed tears. Perhaps he would have softened… perhaps. But Nathaniel didn't soften. He saw her tears and revelled in the knowledge that he was affecting her the way she affected him. This was fair. She, unintentionally, he knew, made him suffer her loss. He loved her more than anything and she was so willing to die for him. So willing to give herself up at the drop of a dime. It was unsettling, unacceptable. His rage calmed but it bubbled just below the surface. He was far from done being angry, far from allowing her off the hook. Nathaniel turned his head to the side, catching her gaze once again, brought her back to him in a blue sea of emotions. Her dark eyes swam with guilt- not regret- and it was almost enough to make him relent. Almost.

"What do you want me to say, Nathaniel? Yes, I let go for you to live. I won't regret it." It was exactly the wrong thing to say. She _should _regret falling to her death. She _should _regret putting him through such turmoil. He went half mad trying to find her, seeing glimpses of her hair in the water when all it turned out to be was a thick of sticks or underwater plantation.

His rage returned, allowed him to bring a fist up and slam it down on the counter beside her. With a growl, he brought his lips crashing down on hers. Their first kiss in a month. The confrontation they needed to get this out in the open. Their teeth clattered in a painful clash and he realized he was being too rough, too aggressive but he didn't care. She responded to him in kind and that was enough. For now.

His tongue darted out and plundered into her mouth. If her gasp was anything to go by, she was taken by surprise. With a great effort, he toned it down, stroked her tongue with his and coaxed it to duel him. When she did, he gradually got more and more aggressive again. His hand fisted in her hair to keep her close while his other hand moved them away from the counter to palm her backside.

Alicia groaned at his handling of her. Knew this was a show of dominance, aggressive and light all at once. It was intoxicating to be held and kissed this way. Loved so fiercely, missed so dearly. Words that would never be spoken, not to her. Those words were reserved for delicate women- damsels. She wasn't delicate, nor was she anything close to a woman needing saving. Yet as he dragged her to the floor and hovered over her with his mouth still working hers, she felt very much like a woman too delicate. A woman in need of saving. It was infuriating, demeaning in a way but she couldn't dispute it.

His hands were everywhere on her, roaming and ravishing- divesting her of her clothing only to skirt over her skin in favour of working her out of her boots, her pants. Alicia let him undress her without fight. It only further seemed to irritate him. Once before she would fight him, struggle to make him stop his intoxicating assault on her so she could return the favour to him, pay attention to ridding him of his own clothing. With her laying on the floor, doing nothing but clutching at the fabric of his shirt, she was soon naked before him. Bared before his gaze in record time.

The desire he felt for her would never cease to be intense. It would never cease to make him lose all train of thought in favour of touching her, kissing her. Making sounds emit from her mouth that further spurred on his assault to her. He steeled the urge down. He had a point to make- a point to prove.

Nathaniel pulled away from her mouth and stared down at her. His hands ghosted over her collar bones, her breasts, down her stomach and over her thighs. They grazed her most recent wounds and ran back up to her ribcage to pull her to him. He arched her at a delicious angle. His lips grazed her skin, following the path his hands made. Worshipping her, loving her. Telling her physically how much she (all of her) meant to him. Her first sounds of pleasure hit him hard. He relaxed completely, his rage vanishing with no hope of returning. A sigh escaped him as he sucked and kissed at her chest. Alicia's hands came up and twined in his hair. It was almost too short for it but he'd been growing it the last couple weeks. She was suddenly grateful for having something to hold on to, to keep him there. He moved further down, his tongue and teeth snaking out to catch her skin and suck when her response was particularly enthusiastic.

Slowly, gradually, she came out of herself- arched into him when his mouth ghosted over her thighs- her sensitive core. The sound that emitted from her once he latched his lips onto her was one that nearly broke his control, nearly broke his resolve. Her hand slammed down on the floor, fingers gripping the hard surface for purchase. Her other pushed on his head, wanting him there, wanting him to stay exactly where he was.

He denied her request and moved to her thighs instead. She made a sound of protest, moved to sit up but a hand on her chest stilled her and kept her on the floor. She frowned, took his hand off her and sat up. With a growl he tackled her. His hips aliened perfectly with hers. He ground down, enjoying her look of ecstasy. "Alicia," his lips grazed the shell of her ear, teeth caught her lobe, dragged. His tone was coated with emotion, affection. It took her breath away for merely a moment. She fisted his shirt and lifted. He allowed her this. Her hands raked down his body to his fatigues. "Alicia," he said her name again, in much the same tone. Wanting her to- wishing her to- understand. There was no one else he wanted. No one else he loved more. There was no way he would survive without her again. If she were to die, everything she stitched would come apart. The gap she filled would tear open anew and he'd be lost. Drown in his sorrow with little chance of surfacing once again.

She had to understand this. She had to realize he needed her to want to live for him more than die for him. His cause for humanity was only that much more worthwhile if she was by his side. Alicia unbuttoned his pants and pushed them both as far as she could with her feet before cupping his face. A thumb stroked his cheek and she smiled for him. The same smile she gave him before she plummeted into the river. This time, in a different scenario, it wasn't good bye. It reached her eyes and told him how she felt. Told him she understood- would always understand.

He kissed her then, his lips moving over hers in a tenderness he rarely showed. A side so unlike him- yet so him. She crumbled, gave in, returned to herself. Promised him through her lips, her arms wrapping around his body to pull him close, that she would fight to live as much as she gave it freely for him. Only for him. There was no other that could make her feel this way. There was no other that could make her feel so herself and so not herself in the same sitting. She was Alicia Washington, hard ass lieutenant- a woman to the core.

Nathaniel's arms wrapped around her body to draw her as close as he could. Alicia's thighs spread for him, wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him into her. He stared at her face as he entered her in one smooth, slow motion. She fought to keep her eyes on him, fought to stay still as he moved against her. Slowly, tenderly. Lovingly. So unlike them. So very intimate from their regular frenzied encounters. It exposed them in ways that left them wide open, bared for judgement from the other. It was a feeling they'd shared a few times before. This time it was more than that. It was their proclamation of love, their undying loyalty. Their promise to stay by one another no matter the circumstance. No matter the situation.

_Live for me. For us. _

Nathaniel's thrusts gradually became harder, deeper. Never faster- never wanting to let her go. Not again. She shuddered around him when he shifted and his pelvis ground into her over and over. Her eyes rolled, no longer able to keep eye contact. She clutched him tighter to her, burying her face in his neck. He rolled his hips on the way in and halted when her walls clenched around him.

With deep breaths, she looked back up at him, knowing it was what he wanted. He wanted to see her come undone before him, under him. For him. She granted him his request and fought for control over her movements. With their eyes locked in place, he watched as she came undone and cried out as she tumbled over the edge. The sight was beautiful. So beautiful. Her cheeks flushed, her mouth open; her pitch and tone… it sent a shiver up his spine. Her expression was his undoing. Such ecstasy- unadulterated pleasure- coursing through her that it sent him shooting after her. With a shout and a final thrust, he came within her and finally allowed them to break eye contact to bury his face in her hair.

"Alicia," his tone was low, coated with pleasure but the emotion remained ever the same. "I love you." the words weren't necessary, didn't need to be said. That didn't stop the pleasant jolt in her stomach or the warmth in her chest from spreading through her.

She turned her head to his ear and kissed his lobe tenderly, caught it gently between her teeth. Affection radiated from her in waves. Her inner woman surfaced like it never had before. "I love you too." In those words she made a promise to never leave him. To never offer herself so willingly to death when it could just as effortlessly undo him and make him suffer in ways that would break her heart. They stayed tangled together for a time after to enjoy the feel of the other, the warmth and love they offered.

To be willing to die for the one she loved was brave, noble and admired, this was certain. But to fight for the right to live and keep that love growing strong was treasured more by Nathaniel than anything else she could offer him.

End.


End file.
